Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Knowing When to Leave
Because there are so many women in abusive relationships, I feel compelled to share a word of encouragement about this important issue. For so long, many women suffering abuse at the hands of a spouse or significant other have felt they had no way out; they had to stay in that situation. Maybe it was for financial reasons, or even fear. Regardless of the reasons, women should never stay in violent relationships. Physical abuse can cause emotional and physical scars that take a long time to heal. In many cases, women who continue to stay in an abusive relationship end up paying the ultimate price—their lives. Anyone being physically abused should immediately get out of the situation. Loving ourselves means making sure we are not taken advantage of or battered in any way. If you have survived an abusive relationship and would like to share your story, I would love to hear from you! Your testimonies really help others and give them the strength to move forward in spite of what they are facing. I love you!
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It is true that an abusive relationship can leave many emotional scars that take a really long time to heal. I have been in "one" three years ago, and I still feel like it left me more insecure than I had already been. I watched my own mom endure an abusive relationship that left her very depressed, I reasoned that she stayed because she was afraid to be a single mom with 7 children. I was very convinced that I would not allow abuse to happen to me. How very wrong I was!
ReplyDeleteI too can agree with this. I was in a abusive marriage, beginning mentally and then became physical. I wasn't sure why this was happening and thought maybe I wasn't doing something right in the sight of God. I loved my husband and wanted him to be in our child's life just like both of my parents were in mine. The relationship was taking a tole on me. I would pray and cry and pray asking the Lord for answers.....and was unsure if I was getting any. I'm still with my husband. The abuse has stopped. I believe that it came to a hault because of prayer and awareness. You see, I didn't know what God sound like, but prayed that he will speak to me and I will hear. My heart and mind told me to aware others in what was going on. I was unsure if it was the right thing to do, but when my spouse started speaking on "what happens between us stays between us" and making everyone else seeming like the enemy(trying to break up our marriage) I knew I was doing something right. Eventually, help was seeked for him. and after that things looked better. No more brutal words, no more hands on. Pastor C. Dollar said one mornning along with my pastor, that the Lord speaks to us in our conscience and is that little voice that urges us to do what's right, and we know its right. That's when I started learning how to listen to God. There are still things in my marriage that need to be worked on, but over all I'm happy. I stay in prayer b/c I know that the devil is still busy. But I believe in God and have faith that he will protect me and my family like he did when hell visited me. To all women or men who are in an abusive relationship it may not turn out the way it did for me. I knew my husband had a problem b/c I knew he believed in God from the start, that's why I stayed and prayed. But if you can't see that he will change and turn to God...You must get out. I was almost there until God answered my prayer.
ReplyDeleteLuv and Many Blessings.
Hi Big Sister Taffi (Kenneth & Gloria Copeland are my spiritual parents)(We also favor each other).
ReplyDeleteI also agree with getting out of abusive relationships. I was in one before marriage. The first man that came along that treated me halfway decent I married. Well, after over 11 years the Lord clearly gave me permission to leave. I was not physical abused but I was emotionally abused. I was willing to stay forever but the LORD me to leave because my ex-husband purposely denied me children (from conceiving). I still love my ex and intercede for him when directed by the Holy Spirit. It's been over a year and a half now and I'm healing up pretty well through a pure and Holy lifestyle. I love you and look forward to meeting you in person one day.
Tammye
girl I been in both type relationships both abusive and mentally abusive to and this man I,m talking to is mentally abusive to me that the worst is having your self esteem messed up girl but god bless you and know that god loves u and he will make u strong baby take care luv all my beautiful sisters in christ. lesa
ReplyDeleteAs a girl I grew up in a well balanced and sheltered African background . Growing up we "heard" these things happened but never witnessed it ourselves. So when it happened to me I didnt know what to do. Looking back now I know the Holy Spirit had me in the grips of His hands as I developed the strenght to leave cos I knew I simply had to.
ReplyDeleteI studied the Word on this and I also prayed although it was difficult to pray for him . My family was initially aganst me leaving but eventually they all realised I was right.
Then they supported me and spoke calmly but firmly both to him. Eventually the Lord got thru to him and since then we have begun a new life. I left for almost 3 years though and when we got back I made sure we always had the Word playing on tapes, TV whatever so we heard the right messages.
I absolutely love Pastor Dollar as he was the very first pastor my husband heard that spoke out lovingly but firmly aganist this behaviour. All his life (even in church) he had grown up being told "its a guy thing so its kind of okay". I found out when it started that all the "elders" in the family initially supported this position. I was considered a rebel for even complaning about it but I have a daughter & I knew that if I permitted this my daughter would "inherit" this from us - God forbid.
He absolutely respects Pastor Dollar so hearing him speak aganist it was a shock to his system but it was certainly a seed sown. Knowing I had the support of the Dollars gave me strenght and sanity in the lonely days as honestly I can not state how isolated I was initially when I decided to stand up aganist this. Even my sister felt I should stay until events started unfolding that revealed how bad things really were and then the whole family stood solidly by me.
Now my husband counsels guys in the same position and is full of remorse for his past behaviour.
All I can say is the Lord is faithful and all things really do work out for our good if we love God.
all this sounds to well to me,I'm married to a man who calls me a cheater when I'm not cheating. He calls me white girl when I'm black, he has called me out of my name and has used bad language in front of my kids. He seems to hate white people when he is half white himself. before we got married we were together for 5yrs then we got married and it's going on 2yrs yet he still the same. He came from a bad childhood so he is bitter and it has messed him up really bad. We go to church and he read his bible yet he have worldly friends,I tell him to get with brothers of the church but he just get mad. My mother who is a pastor told me not to marry this man but due to I didn't want to fornicate,I married anyway. Well I have filed for a divorce I just hope it's what God want me to do. I endure his addition to porn and drugs,I know God took drugs away from him but I feel he still looks at porn,I really don't see him as a man of God. will someone tell me where to go from here, He tells me to stop the divorce but I see no reason.
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ReplyDeleteCorrect in spellings - Pastor Taffi, I was married to a Bishop, who was a verbal abuser. And I had to leave him, and divorce him, because it had taken a toll where it involved my daughter. And, God has given us women the responsibility to protect our seed or (seeds) which are our children. I had to leave, because I saw a side of him, I had never seen before, and when a person verbally states to you, "you haven't really seen me mad", but you feel like you have, you don't want to wait to see what they consider to be another side of them. I thank God that His word say's 'I will make a way of escape for you' and God truly provided a way of escape for me and my child. I know that it can be hard to leave, but when you began to cry out to God for HELP! God will help you. Any type of abusive will stripe you of your self-esteem. I have been on both sides, with the physical and the verbal, but I thank God that I realized that I am worth more and I deserve more. God is able to deliver us, but once He does, don't go back. I divorced him and after 4 years, I saw him again, and I really thought he had changed, but he appeared to be different But, God knew his heart, and his motives were not pure. During this time, I went to church and heard a word from God, about Laying Aside Every Weight and Sin that holds you down' and I asked God this question? Can you lay down a weight and then pick it back up? and the answer was so plain, Yes. If God has delivered you and made a way for you to escape, why return to that bondage again? That is not the will of God. I thank God because all things do work together for the good to those who love the Lord, and who are called according to His purpose. Life is a teacher, but God is a God of mercy and He will keep us from dangers seen and unseen. Old things are passed away and behold NOW all things are become NEW. It's a blessing to be able to say this, today. This is a statement All of God's daughters can say!!
ReplyDeletePraise God you are no longer bound! I'm still going through my divorce. I know God hates divorce but he also hates all types of abuse.
ReplyDeleteRight now I am going through a divorce from my husband whom I love dearly. I have had to pick up the peices of my life and find the strength in myself through God to leave after three years of progressive emotional and physical abuse. I have stayed in the word and know that if it were not for the Lord who was on my side I would be in the hospital or dead or stuck in a lifetime of depression. I realized that the life I had with my husband was good in material posessions but the price I paid was not worth any of it. Even though my husband and I are members of the body of crist I found him using the word, even now, to try keep me confused and under his controll. This is by far the hardest thing I have endured in my life but I know that if I continue to follow Gods words for prosperity in my life and put my trust in God I will survive and not have to be hurt ever again and experience the love I have always searched for. I have felt so condemed for seeking divorce and even feared going to hell, but, I know abuse (in any form) is not in God's plan for us to live in abundance, to the full, into the overflow. I had given up on my life and decided that I would stay in the marriage after one of our worse fights ever, I layed down with an ice pack on my face, broken physicaly and mentaly, then I heard the voice of the Lord that told me to "get up, get out and never look back, this is not your life." It was like a jolt of energy that I never had before. I truly believe that God is the only reason I am alive today. Although I love my husband and we share children, I have not seen true change in him and I continue to look towards God I know Gods will for my life and I am putting my trust in God to live life and love without hurt and pain at the hands of my husband or anyone. I appreciate Taffi giving me a place that I can share and vent. So many people tell me (and women in abusive situations) I am stupid to leave such a good man but they have no idea the pain I went through and felt so heavily destined to return to my death sentence. God showed me all I needed to see and gave me all I need to know he loves me!
ReplyDeleteDear Taffi, I heard pastor speak on how many people state " if they just get out of the marriage they are in they will be better off" then he said " it's not true because the problems is in that person and not the mate" so what about what we are all talking about on this blog which is abusive relationships. I have stated that" if I leave I would be better off" so tell me is pastor saying to stay in a abusive marriage? I know I'm not the problem, what do he say about marrying a unsaved man? which I did. I'm confused, we are taught to stay in a marriage and pray for your spouse but I feel sometimes that ain't who God said to marry. Let me know what he means by stay in your marriage.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to add we are taught to pray for our mate but when we pray and see no change, how long do we wait or do we have to? I know we don't leave after a few months or even if it's 1 or 2 years into the marriage. But if it's been over 5yrs and there's no change then do you agree we must get out of the marriage.
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteLink:
http://www.holyoneofisrael-reconciliation.blogspot.com
Please read through the messages in this Blog.
All glory and honor, power and praise, be unto our God for providing us with HIS Word through this blog.
Send it across and share it with the multitudes who are hungry for HIS Word.
Freely we received, freely shall we give.
God bless you.
I just survived an abusive relationship, Am still in a relationship my husband use to abuse me physically and make it look like its my fault most of the time, I was the one who was doing the apologising. We have 2 kids, 3 yrs and 1 year. It was so painful because all the time it use to happened infornt of my kids. last year October I told him to leave it was very said for him because he wasnt working. after a month he came back asking for forgiveness. I forgave him. He promised me he will never lift his hands on me again. January this year I accepted Christ as my personal saviour its been a very interesting journey, my attitude have changed as well in lots of ways the way I talk to him etc. Till today he hasnt touched me our love is getting stronger. Please pray for him to get a job and to open his heart. He agreed to come to church but he hasnt accepted Christ. am not sure whats holding him because when I tell him to pray with me he does.
ReplyDeleteI have a daughter who is 16 and in a abusive relationship. I have tryed separating them but she only allows him to come around her at school or if I allow her to go with her friend she finds a way to allow him to see her. I have called the police and pressed charges but nothing has happened. The school tried to separate them but they dont want to be separated. I am praying and seeking God. Please pray with me. I just found out that she is pregnant two days ago and they have been fighting everysence. My husband seems to think that she starts things and makes him mad and that is what happens to make him hit her but I beleive that there is no excuse. I forbid her to talk to him but she sneaks around and when he gets mad he lets me know. I feel helpless watching her throw her life away what do I do?
ReplyDeleteChandra, right now you and your husband are your daughters direct defense system. With the help and wisdom from God you can help your daughter overcome this. I am saddened to hear your husband's 'somewhat' approval of the boyfriends behavior, by saying your daughter 'starts things'. Maybe that is not his birth daughter, but any loving father I know of would be adamantly against this behavior. She really needs to know what love is and that she does have value and worth.
ReplyDeleteMy heart and my prayers go out to you and your family. Even if you have to move, then move your daughter far away from this. You and your daughter should then began to really learn how God feels about you and realize that you do have worth. As she sees you walking in God's love and confidence, this will began to help her to gain enough confidence in herself to not allow this type of behavior again from guys.
The first experience I had in a relationship and with a boyfriend was abusive. I was the type to keep going back to the person that was abusing me because I thought he was going to make it up to me. But I had to realize that the one hurting me is hurt and can't heal me. I ended up pregnant and decided to keep the baby. I spent many days praying in the spirit and I would cry for hours sometimes. But when I was praying in the spirit God was giving me the strength I needed to overcome. I knew I had to forgive him but I wasn't sure if I should remain friends with him since I was having a baby. I sent in prayer requests with my parteners to pray for me to have wisdom and they sent me back a letter with Col. 1:9-13 as the basis of the prayer. I laid hands on this prayer and would pray it everyday. The Lord just supernaturally separated me from him and I didn't have to deal with any problems. I just immersed myself in the Word of God night and day. It took about two years to start experiencing true freedom from the effects of that relationship and I remember taking my son for a walk down my street one day and just enjoying the fresh air, summer day. It felt like I could breathe again and I wasn't suffocating anymore. I joined World Changers Church when my son was two and The Lord has really supernaturally taken care of us and provided for us all the days of my son's life. I have lived like a housewife sometimes without being married yet. God has taken care of me when I've had a job and He's taken care of me when I haven't had a job. He truely is Almighty! I'm trusting him in the area of a spouse and know that I will reap that harvest in due time but until then I am content and happy doing what He called me to do now!
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